shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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