i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
