Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
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I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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