I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
