she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
