the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
