this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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