That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
