i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
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You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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