No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
