i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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