im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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