Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
