I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.