im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The beer is more important than you right now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend