That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
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This baby is an asshole
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom