I'm really into asian looking animals
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.