i was born a porn star she said
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.