and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going