I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
