I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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