so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i love accidental penises.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
