He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize