Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
