Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
