FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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