North Korea, Best Korea!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
