i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
this boner is exhausting
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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