Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
