Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
