if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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