if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize