I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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