Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
