Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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