I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet