its not stalking. its research.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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