just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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