I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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