dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
