I am full of burrito and curiosity
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't turn off my feet"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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