Jerry, you need to find god
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
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Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
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You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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