I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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