I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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