I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Randomize
