There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
