apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
