You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
