Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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