; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up