I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia