made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.