youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.