I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
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Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess