I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......