Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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