what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
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Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
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Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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