Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
