DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
