I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!