Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
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i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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