k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
lying in bed pretending to be a slug