I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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