At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
