I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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